If National Politics Were Played Like a
Baseball Game
I started watching my favorite baseball team, the
Detroit Tigers play The Kansas City Royals, and it started the creative juices
flowing. I have been a fan of the Tigers since I was nine years old, so, I have
followed baseball for over fifty years. I started thinking, how would baseball
be different if it were played by our national politicians? This is what I think
would happen. I hope you will add your own ideas.
Democrats versus
Republicans
Offense: Republicans must
start each inning with one out and two strikes on each batter; Dems start with
no outs and a man on second. Dems get a walk after three balls, Repubs after
five.
Defense: Republican
outfielders must position themselves no more than sixty feet behind the infield.
Dems may play anywhere they want. Dems will have a Union Rep stationed alongside
each umpire. If a call goes against them, the Rep may overrule the
call.
If the temperature at game time is in excess of 95
degrees, no matter the venue, the game is called a 9-0 win for the Dems due to
Global Warming.
If a Dem batter accidentally hits a seagull in fair
territory, he is granted a Ground Rule Double. If the same thing happens to a
Republican, he is fined $250,000 by the Environmental Protection Agency and is
automatically out!
No matter which team is hosting the game, the Dems
get 75% of the proceeds.
Announcers for the game are chosen by the Dems for
the first eight innings from a pool supplied by ABC, NBC, CBS, MSNBC, CNN and
ESPN. The Republicans may employ announcers from Fox Sports for the ninth
inning, only.
If a game reaches the ninth inning with the Dems
behind, the Republicans are required to keep playing the game until the Dems
win.
Miscellaneous:
Dems are allowed to charge the
Republicans extra to keep the lights on for a night game.
When the All Star game rolls around, only Dems are
allowed to count the votes.
Off-field behavior:
If a Dem player is caught in a
scandal or commits a felony outside the ball park, he is punished with negative
publicity.
If a Republican player does something that the Dems consider
questionable or hypocritical, he is pilloried by the Press, and drummed out of
the League!
PLAY BALL!
