It's Like My First Time All Over Again

A lot of people are giving Lena Dunham grief for her Obama advertisement.  Actually, I don’t think her metaphor is that bad, just a little misapplied.  I just think it needs a little retooling to be more apt.  Here is how I would have written the ad (warning, I can see how some may find this offensive).

Your first time shouldn’t be with just anybody. You want to do it with a great guy. It should be with a guy with beautiful … somebody who really cares about and understands women.

For my first time, I voted for Barack Obama.  I thought he was that guy.  I was hoping for a change after my last bad boyfriend.  But then he forced me down.  First it was the stimulus.  Then it was Obamacare. Then it was unemployment. And dropping wages. And gas prices. And food prices, all forced on me again and again and again.  I thought no meant “no”.  Apparently no means “Yes I would love another boot to the head, please.”

When I complained, he said it wasn’t his fault my last boyfriend had messed me up so bad. This is for my own good.  I’ll learn to appreciate it.  Now make me a sandwich, ho, I've got a tee time coming.

Then he left me battered, bawling and bruised while he chased some new tail.  But now he is back asking for another chance.  I think I’ll give to him.  I hope he has changed.  He’s so dreamy, and I have no self-esteem. I’m so excited and hopeful.  It will be like having my first time all over again.