Kill Me Now

I’m in trouble.  My wife and sisters and mother saw the War on Women post and didn’t quite understand it.  I found it odd because they always claim that women are the best natural communicators.  Anyway, for some reason they thought I was advocating these programs.  To make peace I’m going to have to attend a Conference of Conscious Men for some reeducation.  I need your help.  The agenda is listed below, and I’ll have to suffer through four of them. 

Help me choose the least noxious.  (Or if you know enough about these topics, send me enough info that I can fake having sat through and listened.  Yes, men can fake things too).

·         Masculinity: Is it Really Just a Hormone Imbalance?

·         Modern Man: Stale Roles and Tight Buns

·         Why Men Don’t Touch

·         Mascara: It’s Not Just For Eyelashes Anymore

·         Size Does Matter  (The Size of Your Heart, Silly)

·         A Beginner’s Guide to Bubble Baths

·         Emotions: Myth or Reality

·         Uterus Envy: Is it Okay to Want to Have a Womb?

·         Wonder Woman: Objectification of Women Personified or Inevitable Evolutionary Pinnacle

·         Freud Debunked: Deconstructing our Inner Phallus

·         Why Can’t I Lactate Too?

·         Exterior Decorating for the Body, Interior Decorating for the Soul: A Guide to Looking and Feeling Fabulous

·         Stylish Pumps for Any Occasion

·         Twilight Forum I: I am My Own Edward

·         Twilight Forum II: Finding My Inner Sparkle

·         Partners in Conflict: The Politics of Gender, Sexuality and Labor in the Chilean Agrarian Reform

·         Radical Feminist Critiques of Third Wave Feminism, Postmodernism and Game Theory