Robobama

The Obama Campaign continues to surprise me as they head into the final stretch of this election.  Here is the transcript of a Robocall I received from the Obama folks last night.

Hola! Me llamo Maria Consuelo Christina Alzarez Juanita Fuentes.  Pulse ‘1’ para Arabe.  Pulse ‘2’ para Ebonico.  Pulse ‘3’ para Coreano.  Pulse ‘4’ para Farsi.  Pulse ‘5’para Ingles.

(Being clearly xenophobic, like all upstanding conservatives, I don’t speak gibberish, so I pressed ‘5’)

Hello, I’m calling with information about Mitt Romney that you probably don’t know.  The media has led you to believe that Mitt is a clean, articulate white guy without a trace of the blue blood Harvard dialect, a nice guy who would never knowingly harm anyone.  Or would he?  Did you know that he recently held down a young boy and cut off his hairdo because he thought it was gay?  REVENGE!  Did you know that he once fired his housekeeper and gardener because he discovered they were in the US illegally?  REVENGE!  Did you know that he once called Chinese people, and by association all Asians, bloody cheaters?  REVENGE!  Did you know that he keeps copies of the King James Bible and the Quran in his bathroom in case someone has used up all the toilet paper?  REVENGE!  Did you know that when he worked at Bain he loved to fire people so he could give them cancer, and he has similar plans to downsize and eliminate the riff raff in America?  REVENGE!  Did you know that his plan to repeal and replace Obamacare involves using the middle class for medical experiments and harvesting organs for the wealthy?  REVENGE!  Did you know that he is in favor of requiring all women to register their lady parts with the authorities and to wear chastity belts unless they join the binders comprising his personal harem?  REVENGE!  Did you know that he once said, “Not only are children not our future, but they are a thing of the past?”  REVENGE!  Did you know that his plan for peace in the Middle East involves relocating the Jewish homeland to North Hollywood?  REVENGE!  Did you know that he once said Morgan Freeman and Denzel Washington were overrated?  REVENGE!

I can’t offer you much, but I can offer you this.  Vengeance is yours, saith Obama.  Get out and vote for revenge!

This is Barack Obama, and I approved this message.