Racist NP Reluctantly Gives In

So, I've already shown clearly how racist Nuking Politics is. Up until yesterday, everyone who blogged here wore jeans with untucked shirts paired with ball caps and SPF 15 to keep from getting sunburned. Today that changes. I never wear ball caps. Keln has finally caved to all of the pressure I was giving him about his discriminatory policies (probably because I've been mentioning the word "lawyer" a lot in my comments recently) and allowed me a spot on the team. He must really be paranoid of lawyers. He told me himself I don't really fit because I don't have a "dude with an unhealthy obsession for bacon" type humor.


Well, that's probably because I'm not a dude. But I do like bacon. Like a lot. Like you should hear the sounds I make when I smell bacon.

" MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM."

But I put bacon in the "Things I Would Be Obsessed With If I Didn't Have Restraint" category. There are many things in that category, by the way. Many MANY things. Far too many things. Let me think of them one by one ...by one... ok... that is dangerous. Let's put Paul Ryan back in his category and move on.

Keln was hesitant, to put it MILDLY, to have a female blogger because he was perfectly comfortable with all of his bloggers being just like he is. Why choose to make his life more difficult? Why deal with mood swings, shopping and fashion updates, and incessant inane chatter? (I mean he can get all that at home) If it weren't for the messy racism accusations and the possibility of getting sued by an evil lawyer, he would never have turned over a new leaf. You know what he said having a FEMALE blogger would do for NP???? "BROADen our horizons". That's the exact phrase he used. Wow. Very politically correct of you, Keln.

(What really worried me is that he said Hunter did the same thing for NP. Hunter? Do you have anything to tell us, buddy?)

I now understand the strong need progressives feel for rules. They recognize, as I see now, that people will always be racist unless they're threatened to be punished for it. They know that people will always kill innocents as long as people have scary guns. They'll be fat unless fatty foods are outlawed. They'll drink themselves into a sugary stupor unless we get rid of their soda. People will never voluntarily show restraint. They will do whatever they want whenever they want unless they are regulated. So here's to anti-discrimination rules! I guess those rules got me a job. Nuking Politics, I'm here to make your horizons broad. Just like Obama is here to make our horizons black.