Nuke the Punchline - A Woman Scorned

Harvey over at IMAO has another straight line of the day up, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

After Jon Stewart joked that Obama was a Muslim, President Obama “proved” he was a Christian by…

There were so many great lines this time I had to choose 10:

#10 Anonymiss:  living the tenets of his favorite scripture, John 16:3, everyday.

#9 Anonymiss:  minting his face on the Trillion Dollar Coin and changing his name to Caesar.

#8 Anonymiss: committing the commandments to memory.  "I've now memorized 57 commandments  -- I think one left to go."

#7 Anonymiss: upping the 7 Presidential pardons he was planning to 70 x 7.

#6 Anonymiss: Loving our enemies, blessing those that curse us, doing good to those that hate us, praying for them which despitefully use us and persecute us, and bowing to them who want to kill us in our sleep.

#5 Anonymiss: avenging the wrongful death of Jesus by ordering a drone strike on Israel.

#4 Anonymiss: building an ark and filling it with two of every animal, without regard for race, religion, gender or sexual orientation.

#3 Anonymiss : denouncing all Satanists, Atheists, Mormons, Tea Partiers, Ron Paul, Ayn Rand, Ross Perot, Thieves and Libertarians.

#2 Anonymiss: ceasing to "kick against the pricks".  He didn't learn that much from the AP phone taps anyway.

My favorite straight line of the day was a BRILLIANT one from Anonymiss:

After Jon Stewart joked that Obama was a Muslim, President Obama “proved” he was a Christian by…asserting that his life was built on Biblical principles including: "this too shall pass", "to thine own self be true", and "never get involved in a land war in asia".

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*Update: Ok fine. Wow. You guys are as good as Obama at WHINE. Wow. :P

So let me get this straight. You didn't choose my list because you didn't think I was any good at straight lines...but you are DYING because your decidedly inferior judge has not yet posted her judgements of you?  Silly guys.  And then there's something about an alternative name for a mule and something something...??

So you don't like my lines...but you like my curves.  I see how it is.  Geeeeeez :)

Here are my favorite lines BESIDES the amazing ones posted above ;)  :

After Jon Stewart joked that Obama was a Muslim, President Obama “proved” he was a Christian by…

#5 walruskkkch: not taking his own name in vain.

#4 HokieGomer: wandering the desert for 40 days and nights, then realizing he was only in a sand bunker.

#3 can of spam: turning waterboarding into whine.

#2  plentyobailouts: While facing mecca, said a hail Mary on the upstroke.

And my favorite line besides mine :P was from rodney dill:

After Jon Stewart joked that Obama was a Muslim, President Obama “proved” he was a Christian by… offering to sacrifice Joe Biden as he doesn’t have a son.

Cookies to my faithful rodney dill!

By the way, can of spam, you are a SNOT!!!!!  Geeez.

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"I can't believe the old guy won!"
"Nobody can"

It's true. Keln beat me. But, really, it's not over. I'm making plans. Don't anybody get too comfortable. :)

"Nobody will ever win the Battle of the Sexes. There's just too much fraternizing with the enemy."
     
WHO SAID IT???

Cookies to the first person to leave the correct name in the comments.  NO GOOGLING. Anybody can google.
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Lots of awesome responses to my last nuke the punchline!  My favorites were:

#3 GLENN:  GET OFF MY ......

#2 James: Another Weiner please.

and the best Nuke the Punchline was from Anonymiss:

Honey? Let's move.

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Here's a new line for you to try:

Newsweek is for sale again. Obama plans to buy it and...