Nuke the Punchline - Edward Eludes Elmer

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

President Obama’s Plan to Catch Edward Snowden…

#5 FredKey : Stop smiling, generally act like an angsty teenage girl, and feign romantic interest in a werewolf with great abs. Oh, SNOWDEN? Never mind then.     [Oh I have very strong feelings about Twilight. Hilarious!]

#4 blarg : …take another vacation…maybe they’ll run into eachother.

#3 D***cat :…involves a full-sized baby doll made of tar.

#2 a guy named Rob : …involves a box propped up on one side with a big stick holding it up, with a string tied to it, leading to Biden. Place a national secret under it, and wait.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from walruskkkch: 

President Obama’s Plan to Catch Edward Snowden…be vewy quiet, he’s hunting twaitors.

Macadamia Nut White Chocolate
Cookies to walruskkkch!

Her Infinite Majesty Empress Kitten the First bestows "Empress Kitten's Kiss Up Cookies" to blarg for his line:

President Obama’s Plan to Catch Edward Snowden …cookies. 
[one of his best plans to date :) ]

Cookies to blarg!

Do you have a favorite kind, blarg?

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My sister is crazy. Can you please read her bossy tirade about me and comment that she should LAY OFF!!! I'm basically alone around here and I need somebody that has my back :(

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Lots of great responses today! My favorite punchlines were from:  

This morning, thieves rammed an ATM machine with a pickup truck. The next thieving scheme... 

#3 Bob B: ...pick-up an ATM with a Ram truck (it's sanctioned now!)

#2 A Guy Named Rob: ...Will undoubtedly happen in one of the 50 border states.

My favorite line was from Bob in Feenicks:

This morning, thieves rammed an ATM machine with a pickup truck. The next thieving scheme...illegal immigrants ramming the border fence with a copy of the immigration bill. Its mass alone will take out a huge portion of the fence.

Cookies to Bob in Feenicks!

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Here's a new line for you to try:

What do you suggest they name the new British Royal Baby?