Nuke the Punchline - Condensed Version

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…

#5 Dohtimes: …be tough, when you disagree with the Magic 8 Ball answer find a less racist Magic 8 Ball.

#4 Burt: In lieu of debates, require all potential candidates to appear with Jeff Foxworthy on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?”

#3 Jeff in South Dakota:Transportation cost effective like Amtrak
Document delivery turn a profit like the USPS
Wait times shorter like the DMV
Reduced paperwork like the IRS
Privacy like the NSA
Budget control like the Congress
Health insurance like Obamacare
Manned spaceflight like NASA

#2 springeraz:  three simple steps
1. Shut up
2. Sit down
3. Get out of the way.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from James:

From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…Limit the length of all new federal regulations to 140 characters.

Cookies to James!

Kiss up cookies to Burt and Dohtimes!

Burt: From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…Reward good ideas with cookies.

Dohtimes: From Obama’s Twitter: “#SmarterGov: Ways to make government smarter, more efficient and more innovative”. Ways like…Cookie College!!! That’s one smart cookie.

Kiss Up Cookies to 
Burt and Dohtimes!

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If you're fed up with the "hope" we've been promised, you'll like springeraz's The Right Thing Will Happen. It made me smile :)

Cookies to springeraz!

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My favorite NP punchlines:

Michelle Obama wants to use Hip-Hop to fight obesity. Her next move...

#3 Apostic: ...will be called Hippo Hop.

#2 Dohtimes:...getting the Chicago cops to allow young urbanites to warm up and stretch before being chased down alleys and side streets.

My favorite line was from Bob B.:

Michelle Obama wants to use Hip-Hop to fight obesity. Her next move...will be teaching "the Sidestep" (from The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas) to Jay Carney

Toffee Trifle to Bob B.!

Note: Bob B. inspired this post about that funny song. (Cookies to Bob B.!) Jay Carney is not the only guy who learned that dance. Go read  ♫ The Side-step ♫ :)

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Here's a new line for you to try:

President Obama told Jay Leno "We don't have a domestic spying program."  Other things we "don't have"...