Nuke the Punchline - Bearded Birthday Boy

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given…

Pic by Chris Muir

Note from Anonymiss: I chose my favorite, and I got an email from Harvey listing HIS favorite. Here are MY choices:

#5 Oppo: An official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, to take on his next stroll around NYC. [now all he needs is a rocker for his porch :) ]

#4 James:...A lifetime membership to the AARP and a “Buy one, get one free” early bird coupon from Denny’s. [or IHOP :)]

#3 walruskkkch: ..time off for good behavior. [he seems like he could use a day or two of vacation]

#2 tinman: … a pony. And a party with balloons. And a Bouncy Castle. And lots of presents. And a clown in an Obama mask. [sounds celebrate-y!]

And my favorite straight line of the day was from Dohtimes:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given…the most beautiful thing he has ever seen, a woman, with stuff, and cookies. Maybe a bacon chaser.

 Cookies to Dohtimes!

And here are HARVEY's favorites:

Baconable Mention - Former Hostage: ...a video of Michael Moore twerking and a bottle of eye bleach.
(Not really funny but I just wanted to put that image out there... yeah... I'm a jackwagon.) [For using my favorite word]

#5 walruskkkch:  first shot in a Rochambeau contest. [Hey Obama! How about we Rochambeau for an O-care waiver?]

#4 Jimmy: ...a chorus of "Happy Birthday" sung by an unruly crowd of drunk, IMAO Irishmen. [FINALLY! A use for the Irish!]

#3 Dohtimes: a nice piratey squint, a parrot and a peg-leg. [Which reminds me: Talk Like a Pirate Day is Thursday, September 19]

#2 Matt Musson: A 6 foot tall invisible Jimmy Stewart! [no comment - this is just clever]

And his favorite straight line of the day was from Anonymiss:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given… His Empress barefoot in her apron in his kitchen baking him cookies. [Why do you think Napoleon married Josephine?]

Bacon Cookies from
Harvey to Anonymiss!

(Woo hoo! Doing a little Zumba Salsa Happy Dance!!!  By the way, Harvey, did you have a good Birthday? What *did* you do?)

and today's best kiss uppers were walruskkkch, Bob B, and Jimmy:

For His Birthday on Saturday, Harvey Should Be Given…

walruskkkch: ...Cookies!

Bob B: …a waiver from Obamacare … and cookies.

Jimmy: …intravenous cookies!

Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch
Bob B. and Jimmy!

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I just posted the winners of Bored Fusion 17: Don't Throw 'Em Out Yet at You've Been Fused: 17 and...

The new Bored Fusion 18: Timely Post 6 Months from Sat needs a name. I can't wait to hear your ideas. :)

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My favorite NP punchlines:

California lawmakers have approved driver's licenses for illegal immigrants. Next to be approved...

#3 rodney dill : ...your car for illegal immigrants.

#2 Steve H :... drivers and/or pilots licenses for the blind. (hey, they can already pack heat...)

My favorite line was from can of spam:

California lawmakers have approved driver's licenses for illegal immigrants. Next to be approved...... definir español como el idioma oficial de California. [for those of us non-Spanish speakers: ... define Spanish as the official language of California.]

Toffee Trifle to can of spam!

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Here's a new line for you to try:

Apparently, the White House is full of roaches and vermin. Obama...