Wednesday, October 9, 2013

Nuke the Punchline - AWOL? MIA?... MPP!

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

A New Report Shows Only 17% of the Government is Actually Shut Down. The Other 83%…



#5 Conservatarian: …can’t do math either.

#4 can of spam:… make up the Obama’s personal household staff.

#3 Harvey:…have stepped up their game to compensate and are now working at peak inefficiency. (My Whiskered Wizard even played today! To what do we owe this honor, Hunky Harvey?)

#2 rodney dill.: …are continuing to burn the candle at neither end.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from walruskkkch:

A New Report Shows Only 17% of the Government is Actually Shut Down. The Other 83%…are missing, presumed paid.

 Cookies to walruskkkch!

and today's best kiss uppers were  rodney dill, can of spam and walruskkkch:

A New Report Shows Only 17% of the Government is Actually Shut Down. The Other 83%…

 rodney dill: … are trying to restrain a cookie eating walrus.
can of spam: … have given cookies to the right people.
walruskkkch: ... are undeserving of cookies.

Kiss up cookies to
rodney dill, can of spam
and walruskkkch!
________________________

My favorite lines from yesterday:

A New York school bans footballs, baseballs, soccer balls, cartwheels, tag or anything that might hurt someone on school grounds like...  

#3 walruskkkch.: COOKIES! (kiss up cookies to walrus, again... :) )

#2 Harvey: ...gun-free zone signs.

and my favorite line was from Bob in Feenicks:

A New York school bans footballs, baseballs, soccer balls, cartwheels, tag or anything that might hurt someone on school grounds like...concrete and steel. The school now holds the world's record for the largest pillow fort.  

Cookies to Bob in Feenicks and 
Kiss up cookies to walruskkkch!
________________________

Here's a new line for you to try:


Due to the shutdown, House members have been forced to reuse their gym towels at their *not shutdown* private gym. The next shutdown sacrifice...
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20 comments:

  1. Bob B.October 9, 2013 at 12:36 PM

    ...will be that the second footman will be deemed non-essential for dinner service.

    ReplyDelete
  2. HarveyOctober 9, 2013 at 12:55 PM

    Wow... make a woman an Empress once and she's yours forever, apparently.

    Not cheaper than diamonds, but more effective.

    Anyway...

    ... forget the footman, Bob, they won't even be given a separate salad fork!

    ReplyDelete
  3. walruskkkchOctober 9, 2013 at 1:01 PM

    The Democrats will be forced to reuse their condoms!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. can of spamOctober 9, 2013 at 1:13 PM

      EEWWWWWWW!

      (but funny!)

      Delete
    2. rodney dillOctober 9, 2013 at 1:13 PM

      They'll just turn them inside out.

      Delete
    3. walruskkkchOctober 9, 2013 at 3:02 PM

      It's the Ted Kennedy Memorial shutdown.

      Delete
  4. can of spamOctober 9, 2013 at 1:17 PM

    ... the online payment system will be shut down so all bribes will be accepted in cash only (no checks!)

    ReplyDelete
  5. can of spamOctober 9, 2013 at 1:19 PM

    ... complimentary cookies will now cost $1 each instead.

    ReplyDelete
  6. can of spamOctober 9, 2013 at 1:20 PM

    ,,, all ethics committee investigations will be curtailed.Sacrifices, sacrifices, sacrifices...

    ReplyDelete
  7. can of spamOctober 9, 2013 at 1:21 PM

    ... involves a pentagram and a live chicken.

    ReplyDelete
  8. can of spamOctober 9, 2013 at 1:23 PM

    ... Nancy Pelosi will have to alternate which side of her face gets Botox each day.

    ReplyDelete
  9. rodney dillOctober 9, 2013 at 2:21 PM

    ...they'll have to give up sadistic, hippophilic, necrophiliac, bestiality ... but that would be just beating a dead horse.

    ReplyDelete
  10. DohtimesOctober 9, 2013 at 2:56 PM

    ...Bill Clinton will have to quit buying "Michele Bachmann Used Towels" on EBay, causing Basil to give up half of his income.

    ...armed police will have to make Barney Frank finally leave the House gym, and detach himself from the communal loofah.

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousOctober 9, 2013 at 4:48 PM

    Not only will there no longer be any aloe soaked sanitary wipes, they will actually have to wipe their own bum.
    (FormerHostage)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Bob in FeenicksOctober 9, 2013 at 6:26 PM

    ...instead of 'Yes-Men' they have to hire illegals as 'Si-Hombres'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bob in FeenicksOctober 9, 2013 at 6:30 PM

      Hey, there's a walrus in my cookies! I didn't order any walrus.

      Delete
  13. Rodney DillOctober 9, 2013 at 9:29 PM

    ...they won't be allow to exercise their rights.

    ReplyDelete

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