Nuke the Punchline - ♫ Oh, It's Too Hot ♫

Harvey over at IMAO has posted a new straight line of the day, so it is time to choose the winners of the last one:

President Obama Ordered the Government to Prepare for Global Warming By…

I was having trouble narrowing it down to 5 today. I'm feeling a bit indecisive. At least I might be. Not sure. :) ...Either way, I'm the judge, so today, I give you the lucky seven:

#7 Da**cat: …converting the Keystone Pipeline to deliver snow from Canada.

#6 Marc:…using EPA S.W.A.T. teams to reduce the carbon footprint of any opposition.

#5 Maverick: … forcing a Bill through Congress repealing the Second Law of Thermodynamics; issues Executive Order mandating that refrigeration equipment run at maximum capacity for the next 10 years; blames Republican obstructionism after 10 years when man-made global warming actually occurs for the first time in history.

#4 can of spam: … created the Global Warming Bureau for Urban Summerization and Habitation (GWBUSH) so that it could be blamed for any negative effects.

#3 blarg:…ordering the Department of Weights and Measures to redefine temperature measurement units annually so that they reflect the predictions of “the settled science”. After all, if “the science is settled”, then clearly our system of measurement MUST be wrong since it doesn’t reflect the undisputed fact that global warming is happening.

#2 Fangbeer: ...By passing the “If you like your weather, you can keep it” act which forces greedy Alaskan, and North Dakotan capitalists to share their cold weather with the rest of the nation.

*don’t hold us to the title of the bill. It’s rhetorical. We’ll decide whether your weather is good or not, how much of it you should have, and when you should have it.

And my favorite straight line of the day was from JeffersonFan:

President Obama Ordered the Government to Prepare for Global Warming By…cutting taxes, eliminating red-tape, listening to the people, and thereby making hell freeze over.

 Cookies to JeffersonFan!

and today's best kiss uppers were can of spam, walruskkkch and Karen:

President Obama Ordered the Government to Prepare for Global Warming By…

can of spam:… eating the cookie dough instead of actually baking cookies. [Mmmmm...my cookie dough is GOOOOD :) ]

walruskkkch:...finding and confiscating the source of Anonymiss Cookies! [hide me!]

Karen:… Replacing dirty fossil fuels with cookies. [That sounds like a perfectly logical solution our president would "order". Geeez.]

Kiss up Cookies to can of spam,
walruskkkch and Karen!

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My favorite line from yesterday was from walruskkkch:

When she heard that a new laser technique can zap away Alzheimer's and Parkinson's, Kathleen Sebelius...Pointed a shaking finger at the camera and totally forgot what she had to say.

Cookies to walruskkkch!

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Here's a new line for you to try:

"Chris Christie, you were just reelected governor of New Jersey. What are you going to do next?"