Get Off My Lawn, DOE

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Halloween? That’s right, kids — the Department of Energy.

Yes, the DOE wants to do for All Hallows’ Eve what Michelle Obama did for school lunches. Your tax dollars are going toward creating lame, green energy-themed designs for some unspecified niche demographic to carve into pumpkins. 

The department does know how to recycle; it seems they’ve reused the same patterns they posted a couple of years ago, including a CFL bulb, a biomassey-leafy-recycley type symbol, a wind turbine, and a solar energy symbol.   

Booooring!

My cat probably could have come up with more inspired designs, and in fact, she provided some assistance as I concocted these non-government-approved patterns, illustrated below. But be warned, these are very scary, and not meant to be contemplated by the faint of brain.

Mercury. Not so good for your body, but hey, we’re saving the planet, right?

Your hard-earned money hurtling inexorably toward the green trefoil of terror.

It’s the new Raptor-Matic 5000. Did you know shredded condors make great mulch?

Tastes like Chicken Little.

Saurondra: the official energy source of Middle Earth. And at the price of your immortal soul, it’s still cheaper than solar.

(shudders) Here’s hoping that our scariest Halloweens will soon be behind us. (image derived from a piece by Sabo)