Guest Post: The Invasion Will Be at Normandy

 New York Times-February 19th, 1944

(A parody of Obama’s announced plan to attack ISIL at Mosel.)

Yesterday, Dwight D. Eisenhower, supreme commander of the Western Allied Forces announced at a press conference that the assault on the ‘Atlantic Wall’ would be made at Normandy.  When asked why Normandy instead of Calais, which is closer to England, Ike flashed his famous grin and replied “We looked at a lot of options including Calais.  But the fact is, the German have been expecting an attack there and it is much more heavily defended.  After considering all of the factors, we’ve decided that Normandy is best.”

The exact date of the invasion isn’t fixed yet.  However, General Eisenhower pointed out that it is best for the paratroopers to jump when there is a full moon so they can find each other after they have dropped at night.

“Since the Germans are expecting us to land at a high tide, we’re going to surprise them by coming in when the tide is low.  Put these factors together and take into account that we need warmer weather, I’d say it’s a good bet we invade sometime in the first week of June” said Eisenhower.

Reporters pressed to know who would be involved in the invasion.  “This is a team effort” replied the general.  “The British have two beaches, the Canadians have one all of their own and the Americans will land at two other beaches.”

When he was asked for the exact locations for those beaches, General Eisenhower couldn’t help but be a little coy, but he did say that “Bernie” (British Field Marshall, Bernard Montgomery) “has some big plans for Caen right from the get go.  As for the Americans; if I was a Kraut, I wouldn’t want to be stationed too close to Vierville.”

The joint landings by all the major allies is probably intended to help solidify a sometimes difficult alliance.  American soldiers are resented by their British counterparts who have commented that they are “Over paid, over sexed and over here.”  The American response that the British are “Under paid, undersexed and under Eisenhower” hasn’t done anything…………..

A guest post by Scandacelt.